I want the freedom to carry a book in my pocket, walk up to a bus stop, reach inside my pocket, and pull it out without freaking anyone out. Is that too much to ask? Actually, yes it is.
the onion, feb14
“LOS ANGELES—Los Angeles residents are reportedly on edge today following reports that hundreds of armed and extremely dangerous Los Angeles Police Department officers are resuming regular patrolling duties after the conclusion of Tuesday’s manhunt for rogue ex-cop Christopher Dorner. “I mean, just knowing they’re out there is terrifying—how can I feel safe when these maniacs are on the loose in my neighborhood?” said a visibly rattled Ashley Stillson, 38, who explained that she strictly observed the city’s advisory to avoid the historically violent, unpredictable predators by going out in groups and avoiding the streets entirely after nightfall. “These guys are volatile and, in many cases, mentally unstable. Something needs to be done about them because I fear for my family knowing these sick people are still at large.” At press time, sources reported the tense mood in L.A. had brightened considerably after news of a serial rapist diverted numerous LAPD officers to a sprawling manhunt in nearby San Bernardino.”
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